We all have patterns that we keep repeating, good and bad. What happens when you can't seem to stop falling into your old bad habits? These cycles turn destructive and make you feel out of control. Today, let's talk about 3 secrets to stop falling into your old habits. It can be done with the help of my favorite tool, the enneagram.
Self-Reflection and Awareness
First, you need to identify what your pattern is. This takes the secret of self reflection and developing awareness. What is real self-reflection? Being honest about what is really going on. Watching yourself and your behaviors.
When you want to change anything in your life, or reach a goal of any kind, you have to begin by knowing where you are.
This kind of brutal honesty with yourself is the beginning of healing and growth. Each enneagram type has specific destructive cycles that repeat, when left unchecked. After self-reflection, you naturally become more aware. You will notice, "oh, I'm doing that thing again." This simple observation- the pause before the reaction, is a powerful tool to adopt.
What are some enneagram habits you might fall into?
Type one might catch themselves overly perfecting things, and criticizing themselves when things aren't good enough.
Twos might continually forget boundaries and help, when help is not what is needed most.
Three might forget to take off their mask and engage in real relationship.
Type four might continually compare themselves to others and spiral into a downward cycle of feeling somethings is missing from their own lives.
Fives pattern of keeping their needs to themselves and their "fences" high, inhibits growth in relationships.
Sixes might continually doubt themselves and struggle with trusting their decisions.
Sevens might miss out on the moment, while impulsively moving on to the next most exciting thing.
Eights might trample over people in their boldness in effort to hide their vulnerability.
Nines might fall into patterns of merging too often with the desires and opinions of others, and become passive aggressive.
Pause and Pivot
The great news is, that once you're aware of your patterns, you can move into new ones. This brings us to our second secret to stop falling into your old bad habits, which I like to call, the pivot. You see the thing you would normally do about to happen, but instead of doing it, you pause and you pivot. This small move is what will change your life when repeated regularly.
Viktor Frankl put it this way:
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
I know we are not taking advantage of the space often enough. Pausing is an art lost to the modern world. We feel out of control because we are not using our power to choose our responses. We are simply moving through life on autopilot. But that is no way to live.
Every enneagram type falls into these issues one way or another. This is why the secrets to stop falling into our bad habits are universal. As we've discussed already, First we must self-reflect and awaken to our own realities. Then, embrace our power to choose our own responses through pivoting from old patterns.
Notice the good and repeat.
Lastly, notice the good and repeat. It is so important to recognize our successes no matter how small. Neuro-pathways are created in the brain when you repeatedly think the same thought over and over. Wow... I hope you are thinking good thoughts! I hope you are feeding that power with good.
Just imagine yourself going through the process of these secrets throughout your day. Observing your behaviors. Being honest with yourself. Pausing in the space before reacting and choosing to pivot to a new response. Then, realizing that you made the better choice. Doesn't that feel good? Feed your brain, body, and soul with all that goodness! I promise it will make you smile!
You will begin to feel un-stuck, in control, and free!
Don't you deserve that for yourself?
I know you do.
Discover your true self.