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How to Love Enneagram Type 4

It's only natural that certain people are easier for us to love than others. But what if we had a guide... a key telling us ways in which we can show love to all the people in our lives? The enneagram is the guide, the tool we love to use to understand and love people better. Today we are talking about how to love enneagram type fours, a little better.

Type Fours are in the heart triad. They experience the world through emotions, and feelings, going deep within themselves to their inner space. This type is "doing repressed," meaning they spend most of their time in the feeling and thinking centers of intelligence, and have a hard time moving into action.

They are imaginative creators of beauty wherever they go. Their idealistic thinking guides them into spaces of hopefulness and dreamy thoughts. Fours can become overly dramatic, self-conscious, and focus too much on what is missing in themselves.

How can we show love to type Four?

1.Be a Good Listener

Since fours constantly feel misunderstood, they need someone in their lives to be a grounded listener. They need a safe space to express themselves without further judgement or criticism.

Practice the art of active listening...

This requires you to show intentional body language: turn your body toward them, nod your head.

Mirror back to them what you heard them saying:

"I hear you saying you feel like you don't fit in."

This kind of listening will make them feel heard, and hopefully understood. These are two of the things that they long for most. Being able to express themselves openly to someone who cares and responds with affirmation is a true gift to an enneagram type four.

2.Hold Space for Them

Fours are naturally a little different than the rest of us, and they are proud of this fact. They even strive to be the most unique in a group... and guess what? They are. Fours are known to be the rarest type on the enneagram. What does this mean for us?

Let them be who they are and support them in their own self expression. This might look like: Sitting with them in their pain

Allowing for some uncomfortable moments in a group setting

Using those practiced active listening skills we talked about earlier

Resisting talking down their differences (their unique fashion, or appearance, for example)

3.Provide Grounding/ Boundaries

Fours see opportunity for dreamy idealistic beauty everywhere they go. They can be quite dramatic, and are easily moved by almost anything. This is a lovely way to be in the world... however, sometimes they need a little reality check. Some grounding and orderly boundaries help fours function best.

If you are in close relationship with a four, outline what your expectations are in a clear way. Encourage routine, and sticking to commitments and deadlines. (fyi- this will sound so boring to type fours who long for the extraordinary and hate getting stuck in the ordinary.

Remind them that beauty can be found in the ordinary as well:

Take walks together and notice all the little lovely things

Go on a hike with the purpose of feeling connected to the earth and creativity of nature

Make a cup of tea and notice the warmth of the mug in your hands

Get messy together.. painting, baking, pottery making

We hope these tips will help you love the type fours in your life a little better!

Thanks for reading!

Need a guide to walk you through excellent SELF CARE PRACTICES?

See our enneagram specific Self-Care Guide Here:

Using our guide, you can have your own wellness retreat experience at home, complete with itinerary and our best self care practices as well as enneagram specific self care.

To really treat yourself (and a friend) attend our Spring Self-Care Wellness Retreat!

This 3-day getaway is just what you need to find your purpose, understand who you are through the enneagram, and relax through meaningful self-care practices as well as connections with like-minded people.

We hope you'll join us!

Spring is just around the corner... let the retreat be something lovely to look forward to!


The EnneaSisters


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